'He said it's normal cat behavior and that we can't change it': First-time pawrent and her cat-savvy partner clash on training, but love and patience might calm the kitten claws

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Sarah Brown • Writer and Editor
Oct 9, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

The classic first-time kitten conundrum. Equal parts adorable chaos and accidental bloodshed. This new pawrent is learning that kittens don't come with an "off" switch; they come with claws, zoomies, and a PhD in destruction. Every petting attempt turns into a wrestling match, every outfit becomes fair game, and every day ends with new battle scars. The partner, a lifelong cat veteran, shrugs it off as "normal cat behavior," while the newbie wonders if they accidentally adopted a tiny tiger.

Still, there's method in the meowing madness. The determined pawrent has been researching and testing out clever techniques including the "pain meow," which, hilariously, actually works! The kitten pauses, looks guilty, and immediately softens up. Meanwhile, the partner keeps using his hands as chew toys, unknowingly reinforcing the bitey behavior. Cue the facepaw.

The truth is, kittens can learn boundaries. They're smart, just a little too playful. Redirection, consistency, and proper toys are the holy trinity of kitten manners. With patience (and plenty of bandages), this furball will outgrow its chaos phase and transform from scratch gremlin to cuddle companion. Every cat owner earns their stripes. 

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  • 01
    'You can't even pet or pick him up without him thinking it's play'
    via Entwicklungsknecht / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My partner has had cats for his entire life meanwhile I am now a first time kitten owner. For me it really hurts when the kitten bites, scratches or attacks body parts and clothes and accessories. At first I tried telling it no, but yeah that didn't really do it. So the first
    via kassumo
  • 03
    day I started looking up more and more training tips and people say you could make a cat-like meow that sounds like you're in pain, I try to do that and he stops whenever I do it: or immediately becomes gentle.
    via kassumo
  • 04
    But here is where my partner says that me doing that won't help anything and that it's gonna do that forever because it's a cat and you don't train them. He always plays with his hands with the kitten and I don't like that because you can't even pet or pick him up without him thinking it's play and then biting. I tried explaining that to him and he said it's normal cat behavior and that we can't change it.
    via kassumo
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10561403392
    via Cats Coming from Pexels / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 06
    I also told him that humans aren't toys and he should only bite and scratch his toys. That's what I've also been doing. Always redirecting him to his own toys and he's good already at knowing which objects are his toys and which are not for play. I also play with him a lot with toys, but my partner never does and always uses hands.
    via kassumo
  • 07
    Cheezburger Image 10561395456
    via Cimmerian / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 08
    Is this something I'm actually supposed to settle with that I just didn't know? It's really painful and I need to put on bandages almost daily and I'm full of scratches. He says it's completely normal and that this it for every cat owner. That they're not dogs and they will keep doing this...
    via kassumo
  • 09
    Can I actually train him not to do to me it by showing him enough that it hurt and redirecting to his toys?
    via kassumo
  • 10
    wwwhatisgoingon So unfortunately, you've learned that there is an animal in your household that's untrainable: Your partner. Training kittens to stop biting is actually pretty easy. Jackson Galaxy and Kitten Lady both have guides on YouTube on how to.
    via wwwhatisgoingon
  • 11
    Don't use hands to play and redirect to toys consistently. Tire them out enough so they don't get so overwhelming with the need to play that they can't control themselves. That's key with a single kitten. If they don't get it, a gentle high-pitched yelp in pain. Withdraw hand or foot slowly.
    via wwwhatisgoingon
  • 12
    You may have to set some serious boundaries with the partner. He's just wrong and is being stubborn about it.
    via wwwhatisgoingon

  • It might actually be easier to train the cat than the boyfriend! Cats can learn boundaries with patience and consistency. The real challenge is training him to train the cat.

  • 13
    _Moe_Lester You can train him but u both have to work together and train the cat. You both need to over emphasis how painful it is when it bites and scratches the cat will adjust its claws. I used to make fake ahhh ohhh loud distress noises when my cat was a baby. Know when we play he keeps his claws sheathed in his toe beans.
    via _Moe_Lester_
  • 14
    purplepeopleeater Your partner is wrong. Of course you can train your cat. Just because he has had cats his whole life doesn't mean he knows what he is talking about. They are actually very trainable.
    via purplepeOpleeater
  • 15
    ofmontal you can train a goldfish, of course you can train a cat. my cats station on cue for mealtimes & treats. your partners never been able to train a cat because he's never tried
    via ofmontal

  • All pets are trainable. You just have to give it a try! With patience, consistency, and a few treats, even the wildest little furball can learn good manners (eventually). 

  • 16
    DA2013 Yep. You can train the cat to stop biting. One of my kittens used to bite when he wanted more pets and cuddles. When he bit, I hissed at him. He stopped the behavior completely after 2 days.
    via DA2013
  • 17
    Uzul Cats kind of do what the want, but you can definitely teach them some boundaries. Whenever he would get a little over excited, I found slapping my free hand on the floor to be quite effective at surprising him and getting him to stop what he is doing.
    via Uzul
  • 18
    florida_lmt We adopted an adult cat who was still biting and taught her not to. If my 5 year old rescue can learn Im positive a kitten can
    via florida_Imt
  • 19
    GiftOfCabbage You can absolutely train cats not to scratch or bite. If you use toys to play and hands to stroke the cat will correlate toys with playing. and hands with affection.
    via GiftOfCabbage
  • 20
    Your partner is probably confused because people always say that cats 'can't be trained'. They can't usually be trained to do tricks the same way you can train a dog but you can train their behaviour.
    via GiftOfCabbage

  • The cat might not learn to be the next Air Bud, but they can definitely learn better behavior. With patience and practice, even the sassiest furball can master some manners. 

  • 21
    artzbots So, the good news is that cats can absolutely learn that certain behaviors are not done with or around certain people. It will take longer, since your boyfriend is reinforcing bad behavior, but as long as you are consistent, your kitten should learn that your boyfriend is for rough housing with and you are not.
    via artzbots

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kitten training Cats behavior pets advice cat owners pawrents
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